oddity.

"did you have them the conventional way?"

"uhh...i'm sorry, what do you mean?"

"ya know, did they get pushed down nature's water slide?"

::stunned:: "ummm...i'm afraid i'm, uhhh....are you asking me if i had my babies vaginally?"

::cheerfully, as if it is a totally normal question:: "yeah!!"

above was an actual conversation that i had with a lady at the kielbasa festival last weekend. granted, it's plymouth, but i didn't even expect plymouth-ians to be that abrasive and just downright rude. i thought my mother was gonna explode. she was grabbing my arm to keep pushing me forward, away from this crazy woman selling jewelry and asking me about the birth of my twins.

though i guess brett and i have become used to being the "oddity." apparently the fact that two children were born at the same time to the same parents just completely astounds people. and i understand that it is not an everyday occurrence for some people to see twins, but still...and i don't mind it most of the time. but i certainly mind it when my vagina becomes an interest of perfect strangers.

i don't mean to sound bitchy. i understand the curiosity of most people. the common questions are fine, though brett and i do have some answers we'd rather say somedays...

- are they twins? no, they were buy one get one free at sam's club.
- how old are they? they'll be 22 next month.
- are they a boy and a girl? no, but i enjoy dressing at least one of my sons in pink because i'm hoping for a broadway season pass someday later in life.
- are they identical? (and this question ALWAYS comes up after they confirm they are indeed a boy and a girl) yes, they are an identical boy and girl. with an "identical" penis and vagina. duh.
- wow, i bet that's tough. no shit, sherlock.

toping the list of strange outing experiences, other than the plymouth creep, include the man at the mall who said bella looked exactly like his daughter and wanted to take a picture on his cell phone to send to her (but, i'm not a kidnapper!!!); the little old lady at wegman's who i almost punched out because she tried to "rock" dominik to sleep because he was crying in the stroller while i was changing bella (i thought i was in one of those lifetime original movies where the little old lady stole my son in the grocery store bathroom); and the social worker at my nanny's job who holds a master's degree and could not get through her head that there is no way dominik and bella could be identical twins because they are a boy and a girl (yeah, but still, every other part of them can be identical, right?....yeah, everything except that crazy sex gene.)

quirky comments aside, i want my kids to know that the fact that they are twins does not define them, but it is a very special bond that not many other siblings share. i don't want their multiple gestation status to define them as people, but i want them to appreciate the uniqueness of their sibling relationship.

today they were playing on the floor together, and bella smiled at dominik. and he cooed and laughed something back at her. and i watched in awe as my babies are growing minute by minute, day by day....

awesome. :)

infestation.

okay, the entire house is now sick. it started with brett's "scratchy throat," which i called him a giant pussy for numerous times. then, on friday, we went to the valley west football game and he was being all mopey and icky and i said, "come on brett, it can't be that bad." and he said, "i know, but my neck is killing me more than anything." at that point in time, he turned around and showed me his five times larger than normal lymph node sticking out of his neck. okay. sorry. bad wife.

so, he started antibiotics the next day (saturday). monday i woke up with a slightly sore throat, but nothing earth-shattering. tuesday, all hell broke loose. bella and dominik had runny noses, low grade fevers, cough, congestion: the works. needless to say, the past 2 nights have resulted in not much sleep for brett or i. he's finally starting to feel better, as am i, aside from this killer sinus headache. and the kids? well, they've been asleep since 9:30 (it's now 10:30) and not a peep. here's to hoping for more than 4 hours sleep. i feel like they're newborns again!!!

on sunday we had to go to a wedding for brett's cousin. the kids looked adorable!!!!! here, look and see for yourself! surprisingly, they slept through the entire ceremony. then, brett and i had a very nice time at the reception, although i was scolded at for calling my mother to check on the youngins only a half hour upon our arrival. i must say, i did feel more comfortable after 3 malibu baybreezes, and the fact that my mother had much reinforcements for her evening: my aunt, my grandmother and my pseudo-grandmother peggy were there to help her out. since i haven't had an alcoholic beverage since before i got pregnant, they tasted ASTOUNDING. brett was hoping to have a drunk lady to bring home. he got the exact opposite: i filled up on coconut shrimp hors d'oeuvres, got a little too buzzed, and ended up crashing as soon as we got home because the kids were already in bed. sorta sad and pathetic that sleeping took the place of possible na-na's. oh well. such is life with (two) infants, i suppose.

i attempted to give the kids rice cereal last week. they still don't quite get the hang of it yet. but, with practice and patience, i'm sure it will become easy soon. wishful thinking, i know. haha.

dominik had more fun with the cereal, once he figured out how to keep it in his mouth....

bella, however, wasn't too sure about the whole situation. i would put some on her tongue, and she would just thrust all of it right back out at me. oh well. maybe she's a fruit and veggie girl. :)

i love fall. autumn is my favorite time of the year. the house is already decked out in its fall glory, even though pennsylvania is a balmy 85 degrees this whole week. i love the fair season: this weekend is the luzerne county fair, and in 3 weeks, the infamous bloomsburg fair. interesting brett and sarah tidbit: the bloomsburg fair back in 2001 was our official first date as a couple. aweee.

well, time to catch some sleep while it's possible. who knows what tonight at 3AM will bring?!

cautious optimism.

for the past 2 nights, dom and bella have slept surprisingly well. last night bella kinda had a tough night, but i know it's because she only had a 2 ounce bottle (she normally takes 6-7) before bed, so i expected her to be awake in the middle of the night due to hunger. but, other than that, they went to bed around 9, 9:30 and aside from little cries for spit-out binkies and bella's hunger spree last night, the sleeping arrangements in our household have been getting drastically better. i won't get myself too excited until this is true for a solid week. ::fingers crossed::

what comes with a good night sleep seems to be a good baby mood during the day. they've been cheerful, smiley babies as well - except when they get that damned teething pain. i can tell what it is - it's that sharp, agonizing yelp that comes from nowhere. oragel + tylenol = godsend.

i put a dvd camcorder on layaway this past weekend. i know it's a splurge, but i really want it to capture all the cute things these babies are starting to do more of. i also put two big toys for them for christmas on layaway, i know they really won't give a crap what is going on this year, but still...i want them to have big presents under the tree.

brett went to wrestling last night with brad at the arena, and that left me alone with the babies for the first time all night. of course, dominik was in a foul mood, and i seriously think it is teething and/or gas pain, because the only thing that seems to comfort him is tylenol and mylicon together. so who knows which medicine is giving him the relief - all i care is that he stops crying :(

my mom helped me give them baths and nighttime bottles, and i showered after she left, with the shower curtain open and the monitor volume turned all the way up so i could hear every little peep they made. i was so afraid that they would need me and i wouldn't hear them. granted, i take about a ten minute shower, so it's not like they would be without me for long, but still.... that was sooo hard for me to do. every thirty seconds i stop washing myself to look into the hallway and listen for them. crazy. they didn't make a sound, by the way. i'm just a lunatic.

i packed the kids up in the car to see kelly and rorey yesterday, and to drop off my extra size 1 diapers that buddah belly and his sister are quickly outgrowing. rorey is so precious, and it seems like only yesterday my twins were that tiny. sigh. it goes by so quickly.

today is brett's last day at moses taylor, and tomorrow we both have the day off together. i absolutely love those days. we are meeting with a realtor tomorrow to discuss our real estate options, which essentially just make me have a huge headache.

dominik calls, i must answer...

nightlife.

apparantly my darling daughter officially has her days and nights screwed up. it all began on thursday when she decided to stay awake all night long. and i mean, ALLLLL night looooong. we tried tylenol, mylicon, swaddled/not swaddled, blankets/no blankets, air conditioning on/off. finally, we caved in and around 3:30AM, bella ended up in bed between brett and i. (i know, i know, but believe me when i say you woulda done the same damn thing).

so, when we woke up for our breakfast bottle on friday morning, bella promptly ate, pooped, and went to sleep. and she slept until her afternoon bottle. by this time, i knew we were screwed, because she was gonna sleep all day and be up all night. so i called brett from work....

me: hey, how are my babies?
brett: good, good, dom is sitting on my lap, and bella is sleeping in her swing.
me: she's still sleeping?
brett: yeah.
me: oh, you better wake her up, honey. otherwise, she won't sleep tonight and we will be up all night.
brett: no, no, she's just catching up on her sleep from last night. she'll sleep tonight.
me: nuh-uh, brett, she slept for most of the day today. keep her awake, seriously.
brett: allright, i'll wake her in 10 minutes or so.

half hour later....
me: hey, i don't hear any screaming, i guess that's a good sign.
brett: yeah, well dom is watching baby einstein while i do the dishes.
me: and bella....?
brett: she's still sleeping. but, she woke up for, like, 10 minutes before.
me: ::sigh::

wouldn't you know it?! bella didn't sleep LAST NIGHT EITHER!!!!

i love being right, but i hate when it costs me yet another night's sleep.

so, today, brett did everything in his human power to keep that girl awake. i swear, the man would have tap danced for her to keep those eyes open. now, it's 11:05PM and the bella monster is sleeping, has been for about an hour. the dominator is asleep as well.

on that note, i am going to shower, because i smell like various fermentations of similac isomil.

yum.

working girl.

so i've been back to work for a week now. i truly did miss my girls from the clinic, but leaving dom and bella behind just kills me. and i know they are in good hands with peggy. peggy is my grandmother's best friend and neighbor for the past 50 years, and i grew up with her as my second grandmother. she watches them for about an hour until brett gets home. last night at work especially sucked because we had a really sick kid who needed to get to danville, and we didn't get outta work until around 10. when i called to check on the babies, dominik was screaming his head off in hunger and brett was attempting to calm the masses.

brett is starting back at mickey d's in 2 weeks. they offered him a first assistant manager position, which makes him second in command at the store. the store owner's hope is to have brett running his own store someday. huge plus side: they offered him a very generous salary (more generous than either he or i had certainly expected) and he will save roughly 50-60 dollars a week in gas money alone (thanks a lot, bush). it will also make life easier because i could work only 2 days a week then and be home with the babies more.

i just have to post some pictures from dom and bella's bath tonight. they were both in such good moods today, and that is rare. normally by bathtime, they are both so tired or hungry that they scream until they hit the water, and scream immediately when taken out of the water. but, we take advantage of pleasant babies when they come around. don't you love their personalized robes?! they were a shower gift, and i don't want them to ever outgrow them because they are too freakin' cute!



another milestone today: bella almost rolled over. this makes me both excited and nervous. i really need to get my butt in gear and start baby-proofing our house because there are far too many things that these guys could get their hands on and cause major damage. but, then again, how can you be mad at such angels?



more baby news! kelly and pat finally had their baby today. it was a boy!! rorey patrick weighed 7lbs, 14.5oz and was born at 4pm on 8.12.08. i made a personal goal for myself today that i would have myself and the babies up, dressed, fed and out the door to go visit them at the hospital by 11AM. actual time? 1135AM. hey, 35 minutes was not too bad, i figured. we woulda gotten out sooner, but bella pooped something fierce just as i got her fully strapped into her car seat (of course) and then dominik spit up all over his outfit and i needed to dig through the laundry baskets to find something larger than a newborn size. yes, the buddah belly has expanded enough to make wearing anything from newborn to 3 months unacceptable. he is also in size 2 diapers, my chunky boy! so i packed them all up and we headed to see new mommy and baby. rorey is adorable and looks just like the male version of riley, their 2 year old daughter. dominik was uber-jealous of rorey already, because everytime i went to hold him he would scream like a banshee until i gave him back to his mother. spoiled-much?! bella slept through the event, as bella often does. but, i still remain proud of myself that i was able to take the babies in the car, to a public place and back home with no major traumas. score!

one small step for twin mommyhood!!

wombmates.

wombmates.

i thought that was the funniest word the first time i heard it. and i can remember exactly when that was. it was during my 18w5d (that's 18 weeks, 5 days gestation) ultrasound, when we were finding out the gender of the babies. and the doctor said, "even though they are twins, it doesn't mean they will be at all alike. genetically, they are just brother and sister. siblings. they're just leasing the same uterine apartment at the same time, that's all. they're 'wombmates,' if you will."


wombmates.

so, how did i come to have two tenants in my uterine apartment at the same time, may you ask? i'll tell you.

first, some history lessons. growing up, my cycles were never regular. i was on birth control pills by the time i was 15, only to regulate my cycles. otherwise, i would bleed for days on end and find myself quite the anemic little girl at the end of it all. after years of testing, one asshole gyno (the one who told me the reason sex hurt was because i was too young to be doing it - mind you, i was 20), a quite painful surgery, and finally meeting the right doctor (GO TSOUTS!), i knew what was causing my troubles. i was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and mild endometriosis. my gyno said that getting pregnant might be tough because of this, but that we would wait and see how things went.

brett knew i wanted a family. and, whether or not he would have admitted it in public at the time, he wanted a family as well. so, after we got married, we decided to put all of our extracurricular bedroom activities to a good use and started trying to get pregnant. now, all of my life, i followed a cycle when it came to achieving something i desired: want it, find out how to get it, work for it, get it. it worked in high school for me to achieve good grades and my dream of being a drum major. yeah, i know, insert corny bandie joke here. it worked in college when i graduated magna cum laude and towards the top of my nursing class. it worked when i so desperately wanted that job at hershey medical center, knowing there was only 6 positions and over 100 applicants. so, it had to work in order to get pregnant!


okay, let's start with "want it." i wanted to be pregnant. alright, "find out how to get it." duh. i didn't need my college anatomy book to teach me that one. i went off the pill 3 months before getting married because that's what all the books said to do. now, "work for it." dirty minds, you people. dirty minds. though, let's be honest: we did know how to work for it. and finally, "get it."

come on, "get it." it's time to show the fruits of our hard (no pun intended) labors! where was my positive pregnancy test!?

"get it!" i should be pregnant by now! COME ON!

if you personally know me, you know patience is not particularly my strong suit. so, after 6 months of trying, i sought the help of my gyno. he instructed me to see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE - fancy schmancy word for fertility doctor.) so, i went to a female doctor who was local. after seeing her a couple of times, i was started on metformin for my PCOS and we started on clomid. i lost 10 pounds without even trying, but after two cycles of clomid, still negative pee sticks. then, she tested my dear husband's spermies to make sure they were able to swim to their target.


uh-oh.


that was when we found out that brett had a varicocele, a mass of blood surrounding his testicle. damnit. the doctor had said that his was the worst he had ever seen in a man of brett's health and age. you know how they say men shouldn't wear tighty whiteys because they constrict the "boys" and essentially boil the swimmers? it was the same effect. minus the stupid fruit of the looms. the blood was at body temperature and it was right on the baby-making organ that we needed, and even though brett was making tons of swimmers, they were being boiled before they left the building. concerned that it could have the potential to be something more serious, brett had surgery to remove it. right here, i must give props to my hubby, because most men would NEVER have had the...okay, i'll say it: the balls to have surgery down there. but, thankfully, it was removed and we were ready to attempt baby making again. 3 months of fun times followed, and then...


...the bastard grew back.

doctor said he most likely had a weakness in his vascular system that caused this slow leak of blood to pile up again. he suggested that if we wanted to get pregnant, then in vitro fertilization was the ticket. unhappy with the local RE for personal reasons, we sought the help of Dr. Awad down in Geisinger Danville.


the first time i met with Dr. Awad i actually had my mother with me because brett had just started his new job and could not take off of work. he sat me down and said something i will never forget...

"You are a healthy young woman. Your eggs just have trouble reaching their final destination. Your husband is a healthy young man. His sperm are healthy, just being fried. So, really, all that I can see that is wrong here is just a minor transportation problem. If we get your eggs and his sperm over these minor roadblocks, we'll be in good shape. i wouldn't lie to you."

that's all i needed to hear. let's get started.

though i have medical knowledge, i work with children. pediatrics. not baby-making. so i really had no clue what all went into the process of IVF. it's actually a complicated sonofabitch. first, you have to make the female's body stop making eggs. sounds counterproductive at first, but that is so the doctors can gain total control of the baby making machine. then, through a series of expensive (i.e. around $4,000) drugs, they shut down the ovaries and then start them back up again with a vengeance. i took two shots of follistim (egg making) and one shot of lupron (suppression of ovulation) daily. i was a human pin cushion and an egg-making machine. my ovaries each grew to - get this - 10 times their original size. no wonder i felt bloated. normally, a woman produces and releases one egg a month. i made 33. they monitor the growth of your eggs and ovaries through almost daily vaginal ultrasounds. yeah, they insert the "dildocam" into your hoo-haa and make your already-bloated self feel even better. (google that shit and see what you find!) once you have enough good sized follicles, you're scheduled for egg retrieval. then, on the day of egg retrieval, they give you happy medicine (mmmm versed...) and they insert a hella big needle through your va-jay-jay and poke your ovaries through the vaginal wall. yeah, it was ouchie. then, they drain the follicles on your ovaries to collect the eggs. i had 33 eggs. i'm an overachiever, what can i say? then, they take the eggs and inject brett's spermies into them individually, thus offering the best chance of fertilization. then, we wait.

the waiting game is by far the hardest part. there is so much uncertainty through this whole process. then, the next day, they call with a "fertilization update," much like a bulletin on the 6 o'clock news. they do this for 3 days and then, on the 4th day, they put the embryos back by squirting them into my uterus with a fancy syringe and catheter. our final count? out of my 33 eggs, 21 of them fertilized, 12 of them made it to the day of the embryo transfer, but only 4 of them looked "outstanding." so, we decided to put two of the best looking embryos back in. actually, rephrase that. i was so nervous about this whole thing not working and not being able to afford another cycle again (the grand total? 12,000 dollars.) that i wanted to transfer 3 back in to make sure it worked. but, Dr. Awad in his infinite wisdom said no, it was much too risky for triplets. and my husband, who had been such a support through the whole thing, finally said, "uh, sarah? triplets? no. i say NO. NO!!" okay, i get the point.

after the transfer comes 48 hours of strict bed rest. since this was all going on down in danville, they didn't recommend that i travel upright for an hour on 1-80 to get back home. so, that night we stayed in a hotel in town. my mother was with me for the transfer since brett could not take off work. she was under strict orders not to cry, which she blatantly disobeyed when they brought the two embryos out of the lab room and the nurse said "hello, nana!" to my mother. but, she got me settled into the hotel room, bought me some nice "settle in embryos dinner" and waited with me until brett showed up. the next day, i lay as flat as the front seat on a mazda5 can go for the trip back home. i was afraid any movement i did would knock those embabies right out, and i wasn't taking any chances.

again, we waited. two "two week wait" as it is known as in the fertility world. that is how long it takes to find out if you are pregnant with the official blood test. one week before my blood test, or 7dpt, (7 days post transfer) i was too anxious. i went out and got a first response early detection test. i couldn't believe my eyes when the second line showed up. i was pregnant! holy shit! i called brett and sent him a picture message on his cell phone so he could see it.

i proceeded to buy stock in the pee stick industry for the next week, taking a test every morning to make sure it was still positive. each day, they got darker and darker. finally, my husband was tired of paying almost 15 dollars a day for a pregnancy test, so he made me switch to the dollar store brand. still positive. though i bet the chinese people that own the dollar store by my house though i was crazy because i came in and bought 5 pregnancy tests at once. hey, you can never be too sure...

finally, the official blood test results came back. my beta was 570, and any amount over 50 is considered positive. so i was REALLY pregnant, i guess. they make you repeat the test in two days because ideally, the number should double within 48 hours. mine went to 1290. so it was looking better! the good news: I WAS PREGNANT! the bad news: i had to keep taking these nasty progesterone shots for the next 12 weeks. the progesterone shots help to provide progesterone until the placenta kicks into gear, which typically happens around 12 weeks. these shots were the least pleasant of them all. first off, since they were intramuscular shots (IM), that meant i couldn't give them to myself. brett had to do it. and he wasn't happy. the progesterone solution is based in oil, so it is like drawing up maple syrup into a syringe, and then injecting into my ass with a harpoon needle. bummer. small price to pay.

two weeks later we went for the "bean count." essentially, an ultrasound to verify pregnancy and to see if only one or both of our embryos attatched. they swirled that dildocam around my uterus and then they found twin A, my little cashew peanut. well, at least that's what it looked like. certainly didn't look like much of a baby, that's certain. but, in the center of that baby legume was a beating heart, rapidly making its way into our hearts at 124 beats per minute. thrilled to just find one viable embryo, they swirled the dildocam around some more and then they found twin B, our little tadpole. another beating heart, ironically also at 124 beats per minute. what a breathtaking sound! so, the technician printed us our first picture of the babies, little Peanut and Tadpole. and we toted that picture around like it was a lost artifact that was worth a million zillion dollars, showing it to anyone that would look at it. ("would you like paper or plastic, ma'am?" "plastic, wanna see my fetuses?!?!") they didn't look like much yet, but they were already amazing.

the first half of my pregnancy consisted of a large amount of puking. breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even snack time puking. worst time of day? the morning, when i brushed my teeth. puked 98% of the time. that's a proven statistic. tried everything: mouthwash, no mouthwash, before and after breakfast, different toothpastes and different toothbrushes. what was the freakin' point of brushing my teeth when all i did was puke? oh well. apparently they were growing just fine. this photo was them at 10 weeks. now, they actually sorta looked like babies instead of gelatinous smears on an ultrasound machine. the morning sickness was my best diet of all, and in those first 12 weeks, i actually lost 5 pounds. how could such little creatures cause so much trouble? lord knows. once the second trimester hit, i began showing with a vengeance. it was like, one morning i woke up, and i had a belly. i longed for the time that i would feel them move. every passing week in the "what to expect when you're expecting" book felt like a giant accomplishment. my personal goal was to make it to 37 weeks. i would soon learn that i had absolutely no control anymore: it was allllll the babies from now on.

finding out we were having a boy and a girl was AMAZING. truth be told, i secretly hoped for a boy and a girl combo. i thought, hey, perfect family. honestly, i didn't care what we had. we just wanted them to be healthy. before the appointment for the ultrasound, we came up with our names: dominik and logan for boys, isabella and addison for girls. dominik for dominik hasek, goalie for the detroit red wings. if you know my husband then you know the significance. ("hey, brett, i'll let you name your son. you know, we can name your son after your favorite hockey player." "sergei fedorov?" "uhh....your second favorite hockey player." "pavel datsyuk?" "umm...third favorite?" "henrik zetterberg?" "how about dominik hasek?") logan simply was the only other name we could agree on. isabella because "bella" means "beautiful" in italian, but isabella then became simply bella because we didn't want people calling her "izzy" after the grey's anatomy phenom. addison was for...uhh, that grey's anatomy phenom i just mentioned. so, when we found out the genders, dominik and bella were made official. at least to brett and i.

at 21 weeks, we had quite a scare. i was at work and i started having funky pains and pullings. when i called the doctor, he sent me over to general hospital to get checked out. i wasn't dilating or anything, but it turns out i was having some nasty braxton-hicks, largely due to the fact that i was on my feet too long at work and i was dehydrated. after about 3 liters of saline through an IV, the pains stopped. i stayed in the hospital overnight and was on modified bedrest for a week or so. crisis averted.

at 28 weeks, my baby shower was held. we figured we needed to get my shower in soon before these babies caused any more trouble. i was astounded by the amount of generosity. we had more gifts than we knew what to do with! and we certainly didn't have the room for all these new baby items. my best friend kelly was also pregnant at the time, exactly 3 months behind me, with her second child (which, at this time, has not made his/her debut into this world yet. though i keep having weird dreams about kelly's labor, including her sending me out of the room during the delivery for tastycake cupcakes. don't ask.) the baby shower was amazing, and i was soo overwhelmed that so many people cared about our babies before they even arrived yet. i was told after the shower and various times during the present opening to "sit down" because i looked awfully swollen. hmm.

and i guess those people were right because my blood pressure began rising at 33 weeks, and by 34 weeks, i was back in the hospital. this time, though, i was having real contractions, but just not often enough to cause major alarm just yet. to be safe, i got a steroid shot to mature their lungs and they gave me a drug called brethine to stop the contractions. my blood pressure went down with bedrest and modified diet, and i spent a couple days in the hospital. i went home on strict bedrest until delivery, and orders to check my blood pressure daily.

on monday, may 5th, i got up early, checked my pressure, at the little machine said "205/109." hmm. not good. so i laid on my left side, which is supposedly the miracle cure-all for most pregnancy ailments. "198/99." better, but not good enough. knowing the bad news that was coming, i gave a call to the "great greek god of gyno," otherwise known as dr. tsoutsoplides. i came into the office, where my pressure had decreased to around 190/90. still not good enough for the tsouts, who instructed me to head to general hospital to get admitted, and that the babies were coming out tomorrow morning. had i not eaten lunch right before my appointment, they would have been out that day. but good. they ended up born on an even numbered day. i like even numbers. that's why i had two babies at once. /end tangent.

so, without passing go and without collecting $200, i went to general hospital. i was admitted into room 327 (mom's birthday) and i awaited the arrival of my husband with my luggage. that night, i just tried to chill out, but i was so excited, nervous, anxious, scared half to death....it was really happening. i was really going to be a mommy, brett was really going to be a daddy, and dominik and bella were really going to be born. by this point, i generally felt (and looked) like shit. the preeclampsia was causing me headaches and dizzy spells, my feet had swollen so bad that i could no longer fit in most of my shoes, i hadn't seen said feet since around my birthday in march, my abdomen looked like a roadmap of Pennsylvania with all the various marks and such, and one of the babies' feet routinely clawed into my ribcage. my stomach by this time had reached maximum capacity and my uterine tennents had overstayed their lease. that night, i was told by my nightshift nurse to "relax and get a good night's rest. it's the last one you will have for a while." pshh. yeah. where has she been? i haven't been sleeping since christmas, when my bladder capacity had shrunk down to that of a 3-year-old. see that? this picture was taken that night before brett left to go home. totally through the pregnancy i had only gained 35 pounds. i would soon learn that 11lbs, 11oz of that weight was pure baby, though i could have sworn that i was at least carrying around 2 solid 16 pounders. so, the next morning at 5AM, my nightshift nurse, who had grown twin girls of her own, woke me so i could shower and groom in time for my 8AM c-section. i got up, peed, showered, shaved my legs (i was NOT about to have hairy legs on that OR table!) and brushed my teeth. and yes, even then on the day of delivery, i still threw up when i brushed. damnit. then, the really not fun stuff: belly and other area shaved. my IV blew so they needed to start another one. bloodwork. foley catheter. the anesthesiologist came in the room to tell me about all the potentially horrible things that could happen to me because of my spinal anesthesia. he then told brett, "we will try to put her spinal in and then we will let you in the OR. if there are any problems and we have to intubate your wife and put her under general anesthesia, we will not come and get you until after the babies are born. the spinal will take about 10 minutes to complete." this statement becomes important later in the story. i signed my life into the hands of my anesthesioligist and the great greek god of gyno, dr. tsouts. the nurse came, put on my nifty cap and booties and dressed brett up like mcdreamy, and wheeled me back to the OR, with brett following and holding my hand.

they got brett a chair and had him sit right outside the OR door. we hugged, kissed, and cried before they took me through the door in the picture above. that picture was brett's view while he was waiting. they brought me in, and i was greeted by nurses, med students, neonatoligists, pediatricians....roughly 12 people besides myself and my fetuses. apparantly my c-section was the party of the year, and everyone was invited to see my insides. they sat me on the table, and began prepping me. unfortunately, they couldn't find the anesthesiologist for 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 35 minutes. finally, i said, "please, somebody go tell my husband that i am okay. the doctor had told him he would be allowed in the room in 10 minutes or so. tell him what's going on." the nurse went outside, then poked her head back in the room and said "damn, that boy was as white as a ghost on that chair out there." along with the entourage of people in the waiting room who were told that they would be babies about 20 minutes after they took me back. needless to say, nerves were on edge. finally, the anesthesiologist arrived, and with him came a whole different sensation previously unbeknowst to me. after he inserted his magic needle, my legs went warm and numb and i felt like i couldn't hold myself upright (which, i couldn't.) they hoisted me back on the table and strapped me in like an amusement park ride. my lovely nurse anesthetist named joe told me about all the plethra of medications he had in his arsenal to assist me with any ailment. thank you, magic man joe. i coulda kissed him. before i knew it, my brett was by my side, holding my hand. then, in came my greek god o' gyno, who said "okay, sarah, can you feel this?" i said "no, i just feel pressure and light touching," to which he said "good, skin incision 0829." it was 8:29AM, and my body had just been grossly violated. i was talking to brett and joe, who i was already telling him of my first ailment: nausea. he had a little syringe for that! then, just when i was about to say, "how long does this take again?" we heard our daughter cry. she came into this world loud and proud, and i just looked at brett and started laughing and crying. the whole OR full of patrons to my birth screamed, "there she is! it's a girl! bella's arrived!" at 8:34AM, bella susan arrived, weighing in at 5lbs, 2.5oz. i kissed my husband, and was anxiously awaiting a similar reception of cheers for our son. but, suddenly, aside from bella's yelps, the room was quieter. more somber. and then i heard his whimper. "ehhhhhh....." i quickly looked up at the ceiling at the reflection in the OR lights. i could see my son, he was all the way out, covered in my blood and his vernix and they were unwrapping something. the room got blurry. i heard bits and pieces of words. nuchal cord, double knot, around the neck.... i began to panic. then, tsouts said, "your boy is here, he has lots of hair, and he's having a little bit of trouble breathing." oh god, please. i started yelling out "what's his APGAR?" noone answered. i sent brett over to the isolettes to see him. i needed to know what was going on with my son. then, after the longest 45 seconds ever, i heard him cry. a more masculine cry than bella's, but not nearly as loud and lusty. the neonatologist finally came over to us and gave me the update: bella was fine, feisty and perfect. dominik was breathing on his own, but having a little bit of trouble doing so. she said she was going to give him some time to recover on his own, but if not, she might need to help him out. okay, help is fine. just don't let anything happen to my baby. dominik thomas was bigger in pounds, weighing 6lbs, 8.5oz, and was born only a minute after his sister. brett came back over, he said that he had cut both bella and dominik's cords and that they both were beautiful. i then informed joe "i'm definetely gonna throw up." his attempts to save me from vomitus with his little tubes of zofran weren't enough, and i turned my head towards brett and puked. ever try to throw up when you're numb from the neck down? it ain't pleasant. poor brett had to suck out my puke with a suction hose. now, that is love. i just prayed for them to stop the surgery so i could see my babies. and then, as if God knew how badly i needed it, the nurse brought over bella, all wrapped in blankets, so i could see her. i kissed her delicate little cheek and whispered to her, "you are my sunshine...." then, the nurse quickly showed me dominik and said they needed to take him to the nursery to check him out. sigh. okay. but i wanted to hold my boy. i sent brett out with the babies to alert the family, whom i was sure was stroking out by now, of everything that was going on.

in recovery, i laid flat on my back with the pain of an elephant sitting on my chest. the rest of the recovery room experience to me was a blur. all i remember was that i was shivering so bad my teeth were clattering. i wished joe was there, because he said he had a drug for any ailment i could have. i needed one for teeth clattering, but the recovery room nurse said none existed. the neonatologist from CMC came in to talk to me and ask me to sign consents to take my son to their NICU. they said he needed CPAP, and that it was best to take him up there and be monitored. reluctant to give up my son to strangers, i signed the papers with a shaky hand, and grabbed the doctor's hand and tearfully whispered to her, "i want to see my son." she grabbed my hand back and said, "what is his name?" i was heavy-duty crying by this point and i managed to get out his name. she leaned in close to me and said, "i will not let anything happen to your dominik thomas."

i must have finally blacked out because when i woke up, the nurse was wheeling me out of recovery and into the hallway. the automatic doors opened and i saw my family waiting outside the nursery door. brett kissed my forehead and said, "look through the window. there's our daughter." i tried, but was unable to lift my head because of the spinal and i couldn't see. the nursery nurse then brought bella out to me, and let me hold her in the hallway. i looked at my daughter like she was some sought-after treasure, only worthy of the greatest of care. she was our baby girl. our princess. they kept her in the nursery until i was more rested. when the nurse took bella out of my arms, i grabbed brett and i groggily said, "where's our son?" he said, "you can't see him from where you're at, but he's in the back of the nursery. they're working on him. he probably needs to go to CMC." i had already known that from the recovery room. i wanted to specifically know what was happening to him. i started crying and said only loudly enough for myself and God to hear it, "please don't let him die." With that, I was wheeled back to room 327.

now, when one has a spinal anesthetic, one would think that they would be relatively pain free. well, that would be correct: if the anethesiologist had given you the duramorph like he was supposed to. duramorph is a form of morphine that i apparantly was supposed to be given in the OR. the anesthesiologist was new to the hospital, and didn't know the OB protocol. so, lucky me, i received none. and i was wondering why i was in such pain. now i know. i was in an emotional turmoil over my son, and i was hurting so bad i couldn't stand it. not only that, but i was also having contractions from the pitocin they give you to constrict your uterine muscles and stop the bleeding. and i certainly had enough of that bleeding thing going on. finally, the neonatal ambulance crew arrived and packed up my precious son in an isolette with all his breathing tubes. they brought him in to see me, and i became so hysterical that i could not even speak. the nurse on the transport team pushed the doctor out of the way, and opened the doors to the isolette. he asked her what she was doing, and she said, "he needs this just as much as she does." with that statement, she scooped my son, tubes and all, out of his warmer and placed him gently in my arms. i kissed him on his forehead and told him i loved him more than infinity, and to be strong and i would see him soon. i also told him daddy was on his way. brett was able to kiss him as well before they placed him back in, and pulled him away from me on his stretcher. exhausted with emotional and physical pain, i drifted to sleep, and sent my husband to CMC to be with our baby. someone had to be with him.

the picture perfect birth i had in mind was nonexistent. i hurt more emotionally than physically, yet physically i was too exhausted to lift my head off the pillow. then, the nurses kept coming into the room and feeling my fundus, or the top of my uterus. then, they would "massage" my uterus. i put massage in quotations because it is not a pleasant massage. it is pure hellish torture. after i took a nap, i asked for my daughter, and they brought her to me. the next 4 days bella would be my savior, the only thing able to keep my mind semi-occupied and not just continuously thinking about dominik. brett took a picture and they printed it there in the NICU and it sat at my bedside, so he was by my side always. everyday for dominik was full of accomplishments. one day he was off the CPAP and onto the nasal cannula oxygen. the next day, tests showed that he did not have a brain bleed or any deformity in his heart or lungs. the day after that, he was moved from a warmer to an isolette. and then after that, to an open crib. and after the eight longest and emotionally devastating days of my life, we were able to bring dominik home to us. and then, it was us: our family. mommy, daddy, dom and bella. and ozzy, the shih-tzu with a heart of gold.


so, there is the background information on my wombmates. and if we thought that their coming into this world was an adventure, we are wrong. because, if the past three months have taught us anything, it's that we are in for the rides of our lives.


that's okay. brett and i love rollercoasters. :)

"boredom (n): an emotional state experienced during periods of lack of activities or when individuals are uninterested in the activities surrounding them"

i can recall many times in my adolescence when i was bored. i mean, like, going out of your bloody mind bored. bored, as in "almost-so-bored-i-would-have-cleaned-my-bedroom" bored. i blame some of this on the fact that i did not get my driver's license until i was seventeen. i also blame this more largely on the fact that i live in a very lifeless town for teenagers. the vast population in my hometown is over the age of 50, and with the drinking age being 21, there were not many outlets for myself and my friends to flock to other than the staples: the mall, someone's house, or some school related function. luckily, i kept myself busy with nerdy band stuff. but, like most things, the nerdy band stuff came in seasons. the summer months brought with it weekly practices, followed by band camp in august, which was the only time we were really "busy" in the summer months. autumn brought a new school year, a new marching band field show, and nightly practices. thought winter was too cold for marching, we stayed indoors with jazz band and musicals and PMEA festivals. spring finished up jazz band and, just like most things in life, we find ourselves back at full circle again.

this blog does have a point. it's not just an extension of my childhood memories.

back then, i had time to write. and i loved writing. i wrote poetry, short stories, essays: you name it. i loved writing so much that my senior year in high school i took two different writing classes with my favorite english teacher, mr. jones. my writing did win me some minor recognition: an essay contest for a rotary, a poetry contest for some literary magazine that i don't even remember, and a found poem that my teacher said was the best he had from a student. (i guess he meant that. a couple years later when my cousin had him for class, he showed my poem while teaching found poems in class. score.)

i really meant it when i said this blog does have a point. honest.

so, boredom. why did i hate it so much ten years ago? because, right now, i'd kill for a nanosecond of boredom. currently, my son is crying and my daughter is napping (typical). and though i love my life and i love my children more than anything on this universe, boredom would be nice. to not have to go to work. to not have to worry about childcare. to not have to worry. period.

that's just how life with twins is: chaos wrapped in love. and because i want to have something for my kids to look back on when they are older and read about, i am starting this blog. besides, i love writing, and it is about damn time that i start doing more of it again. i'd like to believe that i'm not half bad at it. and i can show it to dom and bella someday, and say, "this is what mommy felt while you guys were growing up." they will think i'm crazy, for sure. until they have kids of their own; then they will understand. (thanks mom.)